In what many are calling a “Drug-Enduced Dream” or “Quite possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of”, a local fan of Valleyfair is approximately 92.5844% sure that a Cars-Land style attraction is making its way to Valleyfair for the 2015 season.
Tegan Merrick is a long time fan of the park, and has been speculating on Valleyfair’s capital expansions for even longer. “I mean I don’t want to boast or anything, but Breakers Bay was probably the easiest expansion to figure out. I knew by the end of 2007 that that sucker [the Flume] was coming down,” he boasted.
Among Merrick’s most impressive predictions were the infamous infrastructure upgrade years of 2008, and 2012, where he predicted with an unprecedented accuracy “Valleyfair probably won’t be getting anything substantial.”
Merrick has been called the “Funkytones” of the last quarter-century, and has pulled out all the stops to piece together what he believes will be Valleyfair’s addition for the 2015 season. What should we look forward to? Well, according to Merrick, something along the lines of this:
“You heard it here first. Not even the Dippin’ Dots guy can get his hands on this type of speculation.” said Merrick proudly.
The image above may be shocking to many, though some are warming up to the idea that a Cars-Land-esque attraction is going to be added to Valleyfair for the 2015 season.
“For the sake of my beloved fans, I’ll let you all know how I pieced this together. Have you all ever heard of a little ride called ‘Wonder Mountain’s Guardian’? That’s right, the new dark-ride at Canada’s Wonderland had such an impact on attendance that Cedar Fair has reportedly looked into adding WMG-style rides at each park. Cedar Point is most likely getting Rougarou, a $15-20 Million dark-ride in their old arcade building, and for all I know, Kings Dominion might be bringing back Smurf Mountain. Here’s where Valleyfair fits into this: Cedar Fair reported that Valleyfair was one of three parks they’re looking to MAJORLY invest in over the next few years. Cars Land was a MAJOR investment for DCA, was it not? In addition, Valleyfair purchased new cars for Antique Autos when it was moved to Route-76. Do you think the old cars from the old Antique Autos just disappeared? I think not.”
At this point in the interview, Valleyfairzone reporters began to warm up to the idea, but were still a bit skeptical. Upon asking, “Why in the parking lot?” Merrick responded, “Did you not even notice the new spray-paint markings that appeared last week over by Steel Venom? It’s the perfect size, it’s the perfect location, and it’s the perfect addition.”
Upon going to the park to check out said markings, we discovered that there were, in-fact, markings near Steel Venom. After concluding the interview, we aren’t necessarily 92.5844% sure that a Cars-Land-Style ride is coming to the park, but we aren’t ready to dismiss the idea either. Though an expansion of over $750 Million may be a bit steep, we’re sticking with the phrase, “You never know what could happen……”