Soak City Expansion Coming to Valleyfair for 2015 Season

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Photo taken from

“New for 2015 is a massive water slide complex with six new slides. Breakers Pipeline features four tube slides that will enclose riders in a capsule, sixty-five-feet up. Once inside, the floor will fall out from underneath riders sending them through a series of drops, twists and turns. Breakers Plunge consists of two speed slides that drop riders ninety feet, virtually straight down. The slide complex is a perfect addition to the existing 34,000 square foot wave pool at Breakers Bay. 

The expansion also includes Barefoot Beach, an interactive family-friendly splash pad spanning nearly an acre. This area features multiple water play elements such as small slides, aim-and-spray water shooters and jets of streaming water that spray up from the ground and cascade down from overhead. 

“This expansion will give guests more choices in how they enjoy Soak City Waterpark,” said Dave Frazier, Vice President and General Manager of Valleyfair. “Whether guests are looking for relaxation at Barefoot Beach or want to seek out thrills on the Breakers slide complex, the new Soak City Waterpark will appeal to every age and interest level.” 

Construction on the project will begin this fall and the expanded Soak City Waterpark is expected to open in the spring of 2015. Guests will continue to enjoy two parks for the price of one throughout the season with Valleyfair and Soak City Waterpark.

Take advantage of a year of unlimited fun with a 2015 Season Pass, on sale now at the lowest price through November 3, 2014. Gold and Platinum Season Passholders enjoy many benefits, including: free parking, early entry to both parks, Bring-A-Friend discounts, admission to Dinosaurs Alive!, 10% off select food and merchandise and unlimited visits to Valleyfair and Soak City Waterpark in 2015!”

Press Release and more information can be found at

#Haunt2014 Construction Update

With the Haunt season coming quicker than any of us really expected, we have some photos to share with you from one of our readers. We’d like to give a shoutout and a hearty “Thank You!” to our reader @TheCoasterGirl for sending in these photos to us: 


Aside from those photos, we have some additional information about the whereabouts of Haunt construction.

  • As you can see above, Hellside Farm construction is in full swing
  • According to the latest rumors, Zombie High and London Terror will receive new paint jobs of sorts 
  • Mr. Cleaver’s Bloodshed construction has started in the 2nd games warehouse
  • London Terror is all but confirmed to be in Picnic Cove, next to Camp Wekilou
  • Dinos Alive may potentially be used during Haunt this year — We’re assuming there will be an announcement in the foreseeable future. 

That’s all for today! Happy Haunting. 

First Annual Excalibur Pig-Roast

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In what appears to be a shocking culinary convocation, Valleyfair will be holding its first ever Pig-Roast, which is ostensibly going to be held either on, or around Excalibur. “I’m not really sure how that’s going to work…..” said confused season passholder and Excalibur enthusiast Maya Hamilton. “The types of trains that Arrow designed for the coaster were NOT customized to accommodate the possibility of a pig roast. However, I think I have managed to figure out how they might do it.” Hamilton was kind enough to provide us with a sketch of just how she thinks this all may work out: 



“I’m really excited for the Pig-Roast, however they do it. I just hope it doesn’t harm the ride itself.” Valleyfairzone reporters were on the scene earlier today scoping the Excalibur site for potential clues as to where the Pig-Roast will precisely be held. Unfortunately, they were entirely unsuccessful in their findings, and are assuming it will either be held right outside the entrance of Excalibur, or simply somewhere else in the park. 



Fanboy Utterly Convinced “Cars-Land” Attraction Coming in 2015

In what many are calling a “Drug-Enduced Dream” or “Quite possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of”, a local fan of Valleyfair is approximately 92.5844% sure that a Cars-Land style attraction is making its way to Valleyfair for the 2015 season. 

Tegan Merrick is a long time fan of the park, and has been speculating on Valleyfair’s capital expansions for even longer. “I mean I don’t want to boast or anything, but Breakers Bay was probably the easiest expansion to figure out. I knew by the end of 2007 that that sucker [the Flume] was coming down,” he boasted. 

Among Merrick’s most impressive predictions were the infamous infrastructure upgrade years of 2008, and 2012, where he predicted with an unprecedented accuracy “Valleyfair probably won’t be getting anything substantial.” 

Merrick has been called the “Funkytones” of the last quarter-century, and has pulled out all the stops to piece together what he believes will be Valleyfair’s addition for the 2015 season. What should we look forward to? Well, according to Merrick, something along the lines of this: 

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“You heard it here first. Not even the Dippin’ Dots guy can get his hands on this type of speculation.” said Merrick proudly.

 The image above may be shocking to many, though some are warming up to the idea that a Cars-Land-esque attraction is going to be added to Valleyfair for the 2015 season. 

“For the sake of my beloved fans, I’ll let you all know how I pieced this together. Have you all ever heard of a little ride called ‘Wonder Mountain’s Guardian’? That’s right, the new dark-ride at Canada’s Wonderland had such an impact on attendance that Cedar Fair has reportedly looked into adding WMG-style rides at each park. Cedar Point is most likely getting Rougarou, a $15-20 Million dark-ride in their old arcade building, and for all I know, Kings Dominion might be bringing back Smurf Mountain. Here’s where Valleyfair fits into this: Cedar Fair reported that Valleyfair was one of three parks they’re looking to MAJORLY invest in over the next few years. Cars Land was a MAJOR investment for DCA, was it not? In addition, Valleyfair purchased new cars for Antique Autos when it was moved to Route-76. Do you think the old cars from the old Antique Autos just disappeared? I think not.”

At this point in the interview, Valleyfairzone reporters began to warm up to the idea, but were still a bit skeptical. Upon asking, “Why in the parking lot?” Merrick responded, “Did you not even notice the new spray-paint markings that appeared last week over by Steel Venom? It’s the perfect size, it’s the perfect location, and it’s the perfect addition.” 

Upon going to the park to check out said markings, we discovered that there were, in-fact, markings near Steel Venom. After concluding the interview, we aren’t necessarily 92.5844% sure that a Cars-Land-Style ride is coming to the park, but we aren’t ready to dismiss the idea either. Though an expansion of over $750 Million may be a bit steep, we’re sticking with the phrase, “You never know what could happen……”

Fanboy “Really Stoked” About New 1/4 Mile Long Tanning Area

Screen Shot 2014-06-04 at 7.34.13 PMWith 120,000 Square Ft. of concrete, this place will be HOT

After years of speculation, it has been undoubtedly determined by 14-year-old Valleyfair fan and Gold season pass holder Mark Nonever that after spotting a copious amount of flags, the Dining Patio — including our beloved Subway franchise — will be removed in the immediate future to make way for a new 1/4-mile long sun-tanning location. “I heard that it’ll kind of look like the seating area by Breakers Bay, but with less umbrellas and more chairs. I think it’ll really bring a lot of activity to this side of the park!”

The Dining Patio has remained mostly unused since the addition of Picnic Point, and is considered by many to be a relic since the removal of the Flume in 2007. “They removed the Flume when I was 7, but from what my Dad tells me it was kind of the “abandoned jungle” of the park, and wasn’t nearly as cool as the Cabanas that are there now,” explained Nonever. “Now you can pay money to sit in the shade, get some free sunscreen, and Snapchat your friends cool pictures from near the back of Breakers Bay.”

Complete with four lengthy rows of reclining chairs, the new tanning area should be a smash hit for all those abnormally pasty Minnesotans who don’t get down to Florida much, or simply for those who really detest vegetation. “I just hope there isn’t any shade — This past winter was LONG.” exclaimed Nonever.

Summertime Sadness – A Reflection on the Beginning of the 2014 Season


After our recent visit to Valleyfair, perhaps we weren’t quoting Lana in saying that we have “Summertime Sadness”. However, there’s a larger matter that we care to acknowledge at this point in the park’s history.

We will be writing up a review of Route 76 that does recognize fully our positive (yes, we do have positive remarks about it — we swear!) review of the new area. However, this is our critique of the rest of the park as we saw it last week. We realize that yes, there are empty spots in the park, and yes, they will get filled eventually. In spite of that, we’re aiming to address a larger issue that is of concern regarding the history of Valleyfair, and its evolution over the past few years.

From as far back as we can remember, Valleyfair has been a family amusement park that has maintained a certain “charm”, found in the nooks and crannies of its sprawling acres of land. From the massive willow trees found in Berenstain Bear Country, to Colonel Oompahpah, to the scenic waterfall found flowing underneath the Flume (Say that 3 times fast). Yes, Valleyfair has had its fair share of character and charm; in this we have found no discrepancy between us. However, after our latest visit to the park, there was a unanimous agreement among the Valleyfairzoners — The charm that Valleyfair once had has diminished drastically over the past few years.

Though festive flags abounded, it wasn’t in the cemented-over Midway Stage that took place of the newly relocated Scrambler. In spite of the great new view of the Ferris Wheel, it wasn’t due to the removal of the many trees that used to hang over the Corkscrew queue line. It wasn’t even due to the new Sand Volleyball Courts that are ostensibly similar in size to a new Whitewater West or Proslide kids play area. Neigh, it was the Hydroblaster hill that left us feeling a bit of sadness at the start of this summertime.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that nature in its grandeur has a great effect on the human being. For the longest that we can remember, we have made a sort of “joke” over trees here at Valleyfairzone. In actuality, however, it isn’t a joke. When we see trees, we see hope. We see the opportunity for growth, and we also see shades of that charm we remember from previous years. It was evident that there was careful planning in regard to the natural surroundings in the newly reimagined Antique Autos. However, that seemed to be one of the only “new” areas of the park that featured this natural beauty that we speak of.

Just for reference, let us take you back to 2006, when the Flume dominated the area where Breakers Bay now resides.


It’s found in the overgrown grass that nearly hangs into the Flume itself. It’s found in the jagged rocks that line the fence where guests could possibly get soaked from passing boats. It’s found in the rickety lift hill that could be heard from Excalibur’s queue line. It is an unparalleled charm that we hope somebody is finding somewhere in the park in these most recent of years.

Now before we go accusing the park of cementing over our beloved childhood memories, we have to preface this thesis by acknowledging the business aspect of Valleyfair. The demands that the park keep up with current industry standards, with company policies, and with the ever-growing need to cater to the numerous markets, target-audiences, and fans of the park that want that gosh-darn B&M invert that is “so long overdue”.

In-fact, we don’t take the capital expenditures that Valleyfair has invested in lightly. Planet Snoopy was a much-needed expansion that transformed a mundane kids area into a vibrant, contemporary “planet” where families can enjoy a wide variety of rides, attractions, and entertainment. Breakers Bay brought an incredible potential to Soak City that paved the way (Pun fully intended) for what we’re speculating is an expansion that will finally bring the waterpark into the 21st century. Route 76 did a great job of bringing attention to the front of the park for the first time since 2003, and we know that the front of the park will continue to be remodeled and reimagined as years pass.

In essence, despite the incredible work and effort put into reimagining the park from an infrastructural and contemporary standpoint, the charm and natural beauty that Valleyfair once held has been diminished to its current state, which is quite lackadaisical and seemingly apathetic to say the least. Again, we know that the areas that Tilter, Scrambler, and IMAX previously occupied aren’t areas which management is saying, “Oh well, good enough — we like our sod.” However, we also don’t see the immediate efforts being taken to make these gaps, holes, and fields of grass into areas which guests marvel at the beauty of the landscape, instead of noting “Oh yeah, something used to be here.”

Parenthetically, while we reflect on the number of vacant spaces within the park, we also recognize our inability to have that much of an influence on whether or not massive forests, grandiose waterfalls, or magnificent rock formations are added to the park. We also recognize that we aren’t much help given we haven’t listed our suggestions as to what we think should fill the aforementioned areas. With that said, we do in-fact trust in the current management to bring back some of that charm. It’s simply a matter of imagination, thought, time, and money. Until those factors come in abundance . . . we rest our case.