2014 Park Map Released



The All-New Hydroblaster Memorial Cul-De-Sac


In case you missed our entirely incoherent ramblings about the 2014 Park Map release on our Twitter, we’re here to give you the low-down on what’s new, different, or just confusing about the 2014 season! 

After Valleyfair released the park map yesterday on their website, we studied it closely to discern the ostensible differences between the 2013 map and the 2014 map. With that said, here is what we have come to know is different based on this year’s map: 

  • In Soak City, Giggle Run/Splash Station looks to be remodeled, however this is not a confirmed upgrade. For all we know, the map makers quite simply could have been striving to make the area look more appealing than it actually is. 
  • There are new Sand Volleyball courts where IMAX used to reside. Upside? We’ll probably have to have a tournament sometime this season. Downside? It’ll probably cost money to rent Volleyballs. Commence the onslaught of people trying to smuggle in Volleyballs to Valleyfair. 
  • Also new in Soak City for this year is a sandbox. “Really….. a sandbox?” Yes. Simply put, yes. Not the craziest addition, but families like that sort of thing, so from a cheap, cost-efficient, economical standpoint, we would argue that it makes sense. We’re also going to argue that it’s going to get torn down for the 2015 season in order to make way for an actual Soak City upgrade, but that’s just “speculation”. 
  • Hydroblaster is gone. So there’s that. We now have a nice, newly repaved cul-de-sac, so with that said, we have this offer: If anyone wants to build a janky little lemonade stand and set up shop on the curb across from Subway, let us know! (Not actually though — Probably not the best idea)
  • The Auntie Anne’s that is all-new this year will be in the same building as Cinnabon, thus maximizing tastiness while minimizing square-footage-used. Kudos Foods Dept., kudos. 
  • A new Hi-Striker game is going into Route-76’s general area. 
  • The most amusing addition we’ve spotted as of yet has to be the new roundabout where Tilter used to be. We can just see the Roller Coaster Tycoon scenario playing out. “Guest 246 is lost, and can’t find the entrance to Tilter.” 
  • The old Carousel Shop (one of the two gift-shops at the entrance) has now been renamed “Sweet!” and will have candy, gifts, and souvenirs. 
  • There will be a Food-Truck type eatery in Route 76. Generally speaking, it doesn’t seem to fit in with the whole feel of Route-76, but then again that’s just based off of the concept art and how the area was initially depicted. We could proven wrong. 
  • Excalibur Drinks has been abandoned and is now completely off the park map. RIP. 
  • The Amphitheater is still dead, thus we pray for its resurrection. Or a new family coaster. 

That just about wraps up all that we spotted. If you found anything else, feel free to comment on this post & we’ll throw it onto the list. We’re hoping the Live Entertainment lineup will be announced soon, so stay tuned for that information. Thanks for reading & start counting down darnit — We’re a little over a month away from Opening Day! 

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